I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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