I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
