I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
