Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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