in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
