Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize