Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize