You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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