yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
