South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize