I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
