im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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