if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
