He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
