My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
