Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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