btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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