you lied. pity sex is amazing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
