Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
