Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like a drive thru vagina
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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