i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
