I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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