If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
BRING THE BAGELS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
