So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
