Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
