$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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