Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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