when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
