Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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