I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize