Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
