8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
