Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize