So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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