It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
