what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
