Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
