people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
