cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
