my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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