I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
