haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
