just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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