it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
