you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
