Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
