She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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