My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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