"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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