just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
