Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize