There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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