Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There r osticjed everywhere
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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