i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize