It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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