don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
