What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize