Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
