Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
