dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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