Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
