Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
