is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So many bounce houses so little time
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
