That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
