I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
