why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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