He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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