See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
