and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
