i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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