So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
