I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
