i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
