wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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